This article was first published in the print edition of Manushi Journal. (Issue-105, Mar-Apr 1998)
I am a true nationalist. I want to serve my nation not only in my lifetime but even in my death. I am told that one way of doing this is to join the army and die fighting and killing for the nation so that I will be honoured as a national martyr. Much as I would love to be a national martyr, I hate weapons and have an aversion to killing. Surely, there must be a way that sissies like me who abhor violence can become national martyrs.
Also, I have a feeling that not all soldiers are selfless sacrificers for the nation. So many join the army as people join other professions. They do it for money, not for the love of killing or dying. I want to be a more selfless servant of the nation. I do not want to cost the government several years of salary, food, uniform, free booze and various other expensive benefits which army men get. The government would also have to spend money on buying me weapons if I joined the army. I want to serve the nation without causing any expenditure to the government, which, after all, is the owner of the nation. I want to leave the nation and the government richer by my death. That is how profound and selfless my nationalism is…